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Thursday, August 30th, 2007
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4:44 pm
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Really though..
I have no friends.
The sad part is, is that i'm completely okay with it.
I would do whatever possible to move away from here.
& it's pathetic about how many people wish for the same.
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(share your thoughts)
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| Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
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11:09 pm
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This is what has been going on in my brain: July 10th, 2007;
I want to fall in love. I'm not desperate. I'm not. However, it would be wonderful if it happened. I feel as though I hold such high standards for my dream guy. Yet, I end up falling in crush for morons. I really just need an amazing guy, who will make funny faces, & voices, dance & sing, go on adventures with me like white water rafting & hotairballooning. A guy who can sit around watching movies with me. A guy whom I do not feel like I have to impress, which brings me to my next point. [But, can I just add that my feelings about love right now are so moot, I do not have any desire to be in an exclusive relationship at this point of my life, but it would be nice to have someone.]
I feel like I have to impress the people I care about so much. Which is an awful feeling, especially when I don't have anything to impress them with. I'm not even a very nice person, I'm a bitchy pushover, which is a complete oxymoron, but that is just who I am. I would do anything to keep my friends happy, & interested in me. Even if it means putting on an act, & pretending like I'm happy when I'm not. There are very few people who actually make me happy anymore.
My idea, is that I, like many other human beings on this Earth, am extremely replaceable. We would all like to believe that we are not. That we are unique, or special. But as an independent person, we all have this capability, to move on. When a situation arises, you should be able to stand alone. Yet, I do not get close to people often. I am extremely shy, or I was, I just recentally started coming out of my shell. Not to sound like a bitter ass, but there are so few people on this planet, whose company I actually enjoy, I don't want to lose them. Yet myspace, fucks things up, like every internetdatingservice gone bad does. I stare at myself slowly dropping down top friends lists, until I feel so insecure I want to scream..
& that's not me.
I, for the most part, am not an insecure person.
I'd like to say, that I love love, I love life, that I seize every moment.
Which, I believe for the most part is true.
I take every emotion I have, & exaggerate it to the most possible extent.
Simply, because I love feeling.
I love the idea that every moment you have in your life shapes who will you be when you are 100 years old.
All the people you once knew, have an effect.
That's why I cherish everyone. Even if we spend one day together, & I never talk to you again; that is one day of my life that I could be spending doing something else. Seizing life. Yet, I spend it with you. Which is huge, that is one day of my life that I will never get back.
There are no such thing as awkward silences.
Awkward questions, awkward moments.
It is just not in my book.
I believe to be open about yourself right away.
Don't be sneaky.
Ask lots of questions.
Spend time getting to know people.
Build bonds.
Laugh.
A lot.
Learn new things.
Don't give up on yourself.
Which is funny because there are so many things that I want out of life.
But I feel like I am screwing it up.
I haven't gotten good grades since fifth grade.
I'm barely graduating as of now.
I can't afford to fuck things up anymore.
I have narrowed down my career choices to [in no specific order]:
a. culinary artist
b. art teacher
c. something in film
& eventually I would like to own my own shop.
Yet there is so much I have to do to get there.
& I am not the type of person, who thinks that things aren't good unless you have to work for them.
I am more of a person who believes that if you have to try so hard to get them, you were never suppose to have them.
I am a huge believer in karma.
I am a huge believer in fate.
I do not hate people.
It is not worth it.
But if I'm not digging you too much, you'll know.
My favorite thing about me, is that I am extremely realistic.
I know that most of my friends aren't going to be here in a year, let alone a month.
I know that if I get into a relationship at this age, we will break up.
It's bound to happen.
It's life.
I get upset when it happens, but I won't allow myself to be hurt.
It's not worth it.
Many people think of that as a negative thing.
But I sure don't.
Because I still embrace what I have, when I have it.
I appreciate.
I really just want to spend the rest of my life knowing what's up.
I am exquisate.
End of story.
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(4 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
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3:43 pm - this is why I love lukas;
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Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:18:38 PM): :-(my balls smell i need a shower
child venus 7 (3:18:46 PM): hahahaha, get on that
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:19:04 PM): well i kinda like the smell
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:19:08 PM): :-)
child venus 7 (3:19:26 PM): =]=]=] that made me smile so hard.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:19:40 PM): :-D
child venus 7 (3:19:45 PM): you know what's weird?
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:19:56 PM): what :]
child venus 7 (3:20:08 PM): so, the penis is such a funny looking body part, I can't picture anyone having one
child venus 7 (3:20:18 PM): like, even if I've seen you naked, I can't picture you with a penis
child venus 7 (3:20:21 PM): cause they are just too funny.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:20:29 PM): lmaooooo
child venus 7 (3:20:34 PM): I know, right? haha
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:20:34 PM): thats weird
child venus 7 (3:20:46 PM): usually when I see guys naked I laugh.
child venus 7 (3:21:11 PM): which totally made like, the summer going into sophmore year a riot, cause everyone was naked.
child venus 7 (3:21:17 PM): it was amazing, haha.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:21:34 PM): ha well do u laugh when u see girls naked
child venus 7 (3:21:44 PM): no.
child venus 7 (3:21:54 PM): cause vaginas are cute.
child venus 7 (3:21:58 PM): & penises are just funny.
child venus 7 (3:22:07 PM): =]=]=]
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:22:07 PM): lmaooooooooo wtf
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:22:21 PM): vaginas r pretty cute
child venus 7 (3:22:28 PM): see? i know.
child venus 7 (3:22:35 PM): & penis are funny looking right?
child venus 7 (3:22:42 PM): let's take a poll.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:22:57 PM): well idk i only pay attention to mine
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:23:09 PM): i think mines pretty cool
child venus 7 (3:23:19 PM): yeah, in a funny looking way, probably. =]
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:23:38 PM): well i gouss it looks funny
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:23:47 PM): talking about it is funny
child venus 7 (3:24:00 PM): hahaha.
child venus 7 (3:24:08 PM): I'm asking people on my buddy list;;;;;
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:24:38 PM): :o its like butt sex its funny to picture but its still cool
child venus 7 (3:24:48 PM): hahahaha. =]
child venus 7 (3:24:41 PM): penises are funny looking
omfgzz miranda (3:24:45 PM): true
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:25:55 PM): shes crazy
child venus 7 (3:25:28 PM): aren't penises funny looking?
what cait says (3:25:36 PM): what?!
child venus 7 (3:25:45 PM): answer the question, dognammit!
what cait says (3:25:51 PM): yes.
child venus 7 (3:25:56 PM): exactly.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:26:40 PM): well katie u want one
child venus 7 (3:26:47 PM): no, i don
child venus 7 (3:26:50 PM): 'tt
child venus 7 (3:26:52 PM): i just like girls.
child venus 7 (3:26:53 PM): ACTUALLY
child venus 7 (3:27:01 PM): I probably do want one for the comic relief
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:27:07 PM): no your full of shit
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:27:17 PM): u would love to have sex
child venus 7 (3:27:23 PM): like, fooling around with a girl, & then out comes my penis, & then there is that laugh like on sitcoms.
child venus 7 (3:27:25 PM): that would be good.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:27:40 PM): lmfaoooooooo
child venus 7 (3:27:54 PM): vaginas are cute
ggghhhooossssttt (3:28:02 PM): true
child venus 7 (3:28:08 PM): penises are funny looking
ggghhhooossssttt (3:28:21 PM): ehh i dont have an opinion on that
ggghhhooossssttt (3:28:27 PM): id have to say true for the most part
child venus 7 (3:28:32 PM): exxactly.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:29:19 PM): :-P
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:30:24 PM): lmaoooo
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:30:41 PM): okay ill just agree with u okay a dick looks weird
child venus 7 (3:31:01 PM): =]=]=]
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:31:09 PM): ;-)
child venus 7 (3:31:43 PM): i think chuckd had the best answer so far
child venus 7 (3:29:19 PM): okay true or false.
BadNewsBear13 (3:29:58 PM): whaytt
child venus 7 (3:30:10 PM): vaginas are cute
BadNewsBear13 (3:30:42 PM): some vaginas are cute
child venus 7 (3:30:56 PM): well, like the general vagina population, cute right?
BadNewsBear13 (3:31:04 PM): cute
child venus 7 (3:31:10 PM): okay, now penises are funny looking
BadNewsBear13 (3:31:14 PM): yeah
BadNewsBear13 (3:31:18 PM): penises are way funny
child venus 7 (3:31:28 PM): see, you know what your talking about, i like that.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:32:31 PM): lmaoooooooooooo
child venus 7 (3:35:22 PM): well, penises funny looking
child venus 7 (3:35:25 PM): true or false
via WindowsXP (3:35:58 PM): true
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:37:05 PM): lmaoooooo okay katie they look funny
child venus 7 (3:37:18 PM): NO, I'm done =]=]
child venus 7 (3:37:50 PM): I'm not*
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:37:51 PM): i guess i can see wer your cumming from i mean thers a sack and 2 balls
child venus 7 (3:38:09 PM): haha cumming, get it?
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:38:16 PM): and they r wrinkly
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:38:19 PM): ha i know :]
child venus 7 (3:38:31 PM): hahahaha, this is why love you.
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:39:01 PM): :-Dwell i love u 2
Bon3xL3sSx5xs3t (3:39:32 PM): my little dyke
child venus 7 (3:39:38 PM): =]=]=]
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(2 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
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9:38 pm
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| Sunday, May 20th, 2007
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1:38 am
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| Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
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9:59 pm
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I don't think that my life has been this wonderful in a really long time.
& besides the fact that I keep engorging myself with sweets, & feeling sick seconds later...
my life is perfect.
current mood:  flirty
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(share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
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8:52 pm
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I got a new cell phone [same number].
all my numbers were deleted...
so if we love each other,
please give me your number.
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(7 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Monday, April 2nd, 2007
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7:07 pm
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i guess the reason that I don't ever hang out with you [all of you], is because I'm embarrassed of myself.
just know, that I'm not intentionally saying that I want to, & I just never call you.
I really do want to.
I promise.
I just feel like the longer I put it off, the more I will change for the best.
& that's just not happening.
so, here I am.
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| Saturday, March 31st, 2007
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12:10 pm
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I'm so sick. I went to see the doctor. Which I'm terribly afraid of, so you know how awful I must be feeling.
I got perscribed two medications to take for the rest of my life.
I don't even take medication, ever.
& it is physically impossbile for me to swallow a pill.
Someone please come over and take care of me.
I feel helpless.
I'm not unhappy.
I'm quite content with a few best friends.
& most of the time I'm in an amazing mood.
But I need something new.
But I guess we always want what we don't have.
This summer is going to be wonderful.
I'm going to start taking pin-up pictures.
So, if anyone wants a pin-up done of them, just tell me.
I'm going to make more time for things that I love.
& this summer I'm going to do one new thing every day.
& I'm going to start having movie nights.
I found a lot of good bands, if anyone wants something new, I'll make them some mix CD's, just tell me.
Jillian, I've got your CD's done and I'll give them to you next time we work together.
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(3 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Monday, March 26th, 2007
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10:08 pm
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I think that my body is rejecting me.
I noticed that I feed off of others emotions, in a good way today.
I want to have a lot of money, I feel like that is the biggest issue right now.
I am so deep in debt.
I have the feeling that everything good is on the verge of happening.
It just needs a push over the edge.
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(1 thought | share your thoughts)
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| Sunday, February 25th, 2007
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8:28 pm
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these are the people that I need to hang out with extremely soon. i'm serious
so pick a day. plan something...:
abby young
alana frank
albert paris
andrea dedeckere
billy peltier
brianna long
cal van
chris michael
justin springfield
louis justin
melanie lehman
nate dubetz
nik burridge
sean dufty
thor brovold
tyler butler
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(3 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
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1:52 pm
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| Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
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9:36 pm
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& besides you're probably holding hands
with some skinny, pretty girl that likes to
talk about bands, &
all I wanna do is ride bikes with you
& stay up late, and maybe spoon.
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(3 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
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6:15 pm
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really dorky.
lately all i have been dreaming about is what my life will be like ten years from now.
i have to say, i can't wait...
but i am afraid of disappointment.
really sick.
i'll probably be in the hospital tomorrow.
scrubs and bow wow wow have consumed my life.
ohlove,
i'm ready to get my boogie on.
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(5 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Monday, January 29th, 2007
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8:21 pm
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| Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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8:22 pm
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sometimes I like to lay down, stare up, and think of all the things I have yet to do in life.
I'm going to make a list of things that I have to do before I die.
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(1 thought | share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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8:24 pm
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| Thursday, January 4th, 2007
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6:14 pm
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20 thoughts or more about 20 friends or less [not everyone is in here/accidentally got deleted]
01. you are always a surprise to me, you have so many sides to you. i love hearing you're thoughts because you are probably one of the wisest people I know. I wish we would hang out more [even in a not music related envirorment- which is how we usually end up seeing each other]
02. we like to depress ourselves by talking about how we are the only ones without boyfriends/girlfriends, but that's cool, because we have each other =] [load of cheese]
03. you are my favorite person to go on adventures with, my best friend, you make me feel happy and silly, you are my cheetah sistah, & I can't wait until we move in together [hopefully you'll have a room with a painted horse on the wall] =]
04. i've only hung out with you a few times, but you're one of my greatest friends, and that's kind of sad [because I've only hung out with you a few times] & your car seat hates me. =]
05. sunshine lollipops & rainbows <3...'nuff said.
06. we're pretty much one brain.
07. we've pretty much gone all the way *wink*, & I platonically love you, but don't get to spend time with you lately, do to outside forces.
08. I think I respect you more than anyone. you are amazing chef [I obviously could never do it] & you have an extremely contagious laugh.
09. you still have to take me ghost patroling. period. (which would be a good excuse for us to hang?)
10. I have no idea when I met you [but I'm glad I did]. I love listening to you sing joanna newsom, & that you always have something to say. you make me laugh & make wonderful things.
11. you kill me with your blankets & horror movies, & that's well overdue.
12. we only hang out every few weeks or so [not nearly as much as we need to], but it's a complete funfest [telling a lot of stupid secrets/ regrets =]] i love having you around, & I can say you are one of the few consistant best friends that I have.
13. you were my punk rock friend & we both changed together, I'm pretty sure that's all I have to say for you to figure out that this is you. love you. [and I'm coming over whenever we're free =] ]
14. we have gotten into the absolute dumbest fights [which have led me to storming out of the house, and not coming back BUT...] I appreciate you dearly, you have amazing style, & we don't hang out as much as we should.
15. you are, by far, my favorite person to have leo's with, i love when you bounce your car to the beat, & going to see dollar movies while eating cotton candy [& being the only ones who are crying].
16. we use to be best friends, but now we don't see each other too much. that's going to change very soon. i love you girlie.
17. you are my horror geek friend, & I'm going to see you soon.
18. we talk girl talk without second thought [which I love], & bitch to each other [which is just as good], we are going to get really fat one day off of peanut butter cups [which I am completely okay with] & I love spending time with you.
19. bffez. [for the record, that week of summer was still my favorite & I am still afraid of left hand turns =] ]
20. you are my orch dork, but my friend before that, you are probably the most creative person I know, & by far the silliest.
current mood:  anxious
current music: poor little rich boy
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(27 thoughts | share your thoughts)
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| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
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5:14 pm
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| Monday, January 1st, 2007
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6:01 pm
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2007.
I'd like to;
01. start a band [which would, probably be awful, but none-the-less...]
02. get amazing marks
03. hang out with friends
04. learn to cook
05. learn to speak a foreign language
06. make crafty things
07. get into a relationship [even if it's not so serious]
08. go on journeys with fun people
09. possibly take dance classes
10. learn the piano
11. take opportunities as they come up
12. stop being such a chicken
13. don't let things get me down
14. watch more movies <3
15. become a woman of the world.
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(1 thought | share your thoughts)
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bored_teenagers's journal
